And so the cockroach returns......

Oh my... 
It has been quite a while, 
I think it has been six years, perhaps seven.

Back then I that engineer on the verge of making the biggest bet in his life which was to jump into governance and politics while ditching the world of defence, business proposals and electronic circuits. 

So many things happened, dreams came true then they came crashing down, worked in two ministries served three ministers and went to places I never dreamt of going. 

Walked the corridors of power only to realise that even the caterer and cleaners walked it as well. 

I dived head-on into controversies, scandals, debates, live TV and radio shows. 

I saw the 4th Prime Minister became the 7th and I saw the house of cards fall right in front of me, it was mindblowing, the sort that you can't see or find on TV. 

Hit rock bottom, went sky high, hit rock bottom again, up and down like a wheel on a bus that goes round and round. 

Loved, lived and now in my little world. 

So why did I return to this place? Well, in uncertain times and moments where one is out of his comfort zone, he needs an activity that comforts him, some see a shrink, while others drink, for me, it is writing, it soothes me, it calms me, and it allows me to reflect on things. 

Writing allows me to put things into perspective like realising that I may be making too much of a deal on a minor setback. 

But I have to warn you (that is if there is any of you left reading this) that I am not the same Lipas that you knew me from before, I would like to say that I am wiser now, but that seems to be quite far fetched. I guess the best way to describe my transformation (if you could call that) is by sharing this moment I had upon arriving at Akihabara, Tokyo a couple of years ago. 

The younger Zaidel, upon arriving at Akihabara, the mecca of anime and manga, would shriek and lose his mind while shuffling through comic stores and maid cafes the entire evening taking selfies, photos and frantically updating the whole experience on social media. The Zaidel that showed up on that day though decided that after twenty minutes of walking, perhaps he would be better off visiting a jazz club in Shibuya. 

Now it's at the end of 2019, a challenging year, and as I am typing this, uncertainty, fear, discomfort and worry envelops me. 

But worry not, I am also surrounded by love, happiness, joy and hope.

I will write more soon, with more details, but for now just a quick update for you folks out there.

This quiet apartment of mine is no longer filled with the smog of a pipe nor the scratching sounds of vinyl. The vinyl is still there, but the vibrations in the air have been replaced with the shrieking piercing cry of this little lump of absolute joy. 

She is quite a gem I tell you, and for all the roller coaster ride that I went through in the entirety of 2019, she made it all worthwhile. 

So yeah I am okay, I am going to be okay, and you will too, and I can't wait to introduce her to you. 

Here is to more notes, thoughts and short stories, and if you too are as uncertain as I am now, feel free to come over and tell me all about it here.

Till then, talk to you later.  

Bitter Ex

Carly Simon FTW

Meow Mix

Wicked ad

Sinatra_Z -

She was a first class graduate, paid of her study loans and married her college sweetheart. 

She was working with a renown IT Company, coding, writing, managing projects for a bit. She was really good at what she did, though the long hours and weekend working slug, the usual stress is there but overall she's okay with it. 

He was doing well as well,
the corporate world loves him as she had always expected. Smart, well dressed, assertive, emanating leadership values, all those mumbo jumbo fancy terms you hear or read in motivational books. 

Then she got pregnant. 

She was ecstatic, he was ecstatic. 

Maybe it was motherhood instinct, maybe it was because he was doing so well, whatever it was she decided to stay home, nurturing and raising her little children, Nuraina 2.0 as she sees it. 

I'll learn how to bake, maybe I'll sell cupcakes online, bake Tiramisus and sell baby clothes through blogs and such. 

Her Tiramisus are too sweet, her cupcakes looks horrid... 

Now she's with two kids,

and he is getting busier by the day, flying off to some outstation assignment. 

Driving in her sedan, picking up Suhaila from school, dropping Uzail at some overpriced fancy islamic kindergarten.

Posting pictures of kids, babies and cookies on Facebook. 

Listen about rants by other young mothers, latest hijab fashion, they call it hijab these days, watching Ustazah Bahiyyah on TV or listening to Fazillah Kamsah telling her how to be happy. 

 Cheerful mom eh? 

Happiness is this? Well partly it's this. 

Once Suhaila and Uzail are tucked in, or whether Aiman is asleep or outstation, it is then when she slids out the XPS.

Mackbooks are for cookies, pictures and social thingiess... To look at cute things or baby crap. 

XPS.... Well XPS is for me. 

Logs into her VPN, then once she feels safe, logs into the chatroom...


    <Lady77Medusa> Wassup boys
    <Lady77Medusa> Miss me?
    <0r10nstar> You're late!
    <0r10nstar> Bloody hell this isn't an 8th grade dating where the chick is supposed to                                 be casually late.
    <Lady77Medusa> Sorry boys, was busy jerking off to a LMFAO video clip 
    <**aster1sk**> well at least you're not jerking off to a bieber clip LOL 
    <Lady77Medusa>; sorry yo, I'm no lesbian, don't jerk off watching a girl sing :P 
    <0r10nstar> okay enough with the chatter we got shit to do
    <0r10nstar> you all behind VPNs? 
    <**aster1sk**> roger that 
    <Lady77Medusa> as far as my IP add is concerned, I'm a hooker from Amsterdam
    ready and waiting
    set sail and good to go 
    <**aster1sk**> where's zergling? 
    <0r10nstar> he's out from this gig
    <0r10nstar> says he has some real life shit to take care of
    <0r10nstar> anyway i'll be taking his part for now, as for the rest make sure you're                                     encrypted all the time.
    <0r10nstar> GMT 0000 we'll hit the fan, as we planned, for glory, for revolution, for                                   the future! 
    <Lady77Medusa> Viva la resistance! 

Puddings was never her thing, PHP.... Now we're talking.... 

-to be continued-


I think....

I need to reinvent.....

Sinatra_Z - The Answer

As the wind blows through the opened sliding door, caressing through the walls and waltzing around the hall, like a perfect dancing partner a sweet tingling sensation of the violin caresses the ambience...

Hamzah Dolmat and Keroncong,
sadly in the days where music is judged by what is seen rather than what is heard, this legendary Malay violinist shall never be known except by the obscure few who insists on listening to songs serenaded by those who are long gone.

As he sits on that black leathered sofa, a rather muscular feature that stands out in this soothing surrounding, he lights his pipe...

"You do realise that thing can kill you..."

With his eyes duly concentrated in making sure that he gets an even burn on the tobacco....

"My answer to this rather incovinient fact that you just mentioned is just as same as my concern towards your marital status..."

"Which is?"

"I don't really care"

Sinatra_Z - 14 year old kid

On a flight to Jakarta there was this boy who sat by me,
he said hi, introduced himself and asked me from where did I came from.

Now it was a KLM flight, it came from Holland and made a Transit in KL before landing in Jakarta. So the kid was somewhat curious to have a conversation with someone from a foreign land or something.

I said I was from Kuala Lumpur.

He was somewhat surprised, the pleasant sort of surprise.

"Oh really? I'm from Kuching!"

"Ahh that's nice, I was born in Kuching."

After a brief history on why I was born in Kuching kid continued asking..

"You go there for work mister?"

"No, I'm going for a short holiday"

"Wow really, me too, me and my family are going to visit my father's friend, he is a chinese guy who lives in Jakarta."

"That's nice..."

"You know, even though he is Chinese, he cannot use his name, because Indonesia don't like Chinese people, the last leader, Suharto dont like chinese so they say cannot all must throw the name. They a bit racist like that. Unlike Malaysia they don't want people from China to come and want the chinese to go back to China. So that's why ah they all don't speak chinese and there are very few Chinese people in Jakarta, my father's friend is one of the few of them there..."

"How old are you kid?"

"I am fourteen, why do you ask?"

"Nothing I was just wondering...."

I just couldn't bear to point out the irony that in a Dutch Airline, bound for Indonesia, we are two Malaysians conversing in English.

On the flight back to Kuala Lumpur, I was surrounded by a family of Indonesian Chinese, going for a holiday to KL I think, siblings with babies and such, pretty noisy bunch, by which during entire flight, they all spoke Indonesian...

I wanted to tell the kid that,
actually there are many Chinese in Jakarta, it's just that, Unlike in Kuching... In Jakarta you got to look really closely to tell the difference.

But he's just fourteen.... I'll let him discover porn first...