Sinatra_Z - Modern Malay Men

Before I go on just let me clarify certain things.

First I know for sure that not all Malay men are similar.
This may seem as Racial profiling and men may be generally the same but I don't hear much stories regarding their counterparts in other races (as I am not that exposed).
And that I may be wrong as I am still young and very much inexperienced.

My personal observation..

I notice that recently,
Malay men and by that I mean married Malay, a rather alarming number have a tendency to cheat or at least flirt around, minimal. It is somewhat normal that I hear stories that these men have affairs, well to be more precise not affairs but have some sort of fling or one night stands. As the Malay saying goes "makan luar rumah".

Many of which comes the type of men that still clings to the lifestyle and activities they do when they were still single. At first it may be as harmless as hanging out with friend in mamak or playing a game of Futsal with fellow friends. Then it somewhat progressed into picking up chicks in clubs and bars and even at the workplace. It has become a norm that I hear stories of married men flirt around. Which though quite harmless and ironic (as I am of the same gender) that I find that there is something really wrong in this scenario.

Boys will always be boys and that flirting around is I guess a given thing. But lately after seeing alot of divorce cases especially amongst young couples it made me think. Before this I would either not take side, blame both of the couple and sometimes (yes I was somewhat biased) the wife. But now, I daresay, if there is 10 divorce cases in the syariah court 8 cases (or even 9) can be easily blamed on the husband. Either the husband is a dick, player or just plain lazy arse who just can't be bothered to provice for his family.

You see, even with my limited (and I mean very limited) experience regarding relationship once a relationship goes to the point of commitment, women tend to be very comitted and loyal to that relationship which is a general knowledge. So when talking about marriage, women are very unlikely to screw around or break it off. They are very loyal and committed to it because to them it seems that they have more things to lose if the marriage fails. And in the Malaysian context I have seen several cases where the women are willing to close one eye to their husbands misdeeds or fault for the sake of the marriage. Malaysian women generally have a quite impressive tolerance to their husbands err or dodgy dealings one could say. So I came to the conclusion that when there is a divorce especially among the Malay couples than the husband must have screwed up really-really well. What make me even amazed (if that is even the right word) is the number of divorce cases among malay couples.

I don't work with any NGO or some statistical body so my observation which can be questionable are based on stories I hear and surprisingly from the radio. One of the most popular morning radio show would be the Sinar Pagi on Sinar FM which is a Malay radio show. They would have callers telling their stories about marriage problems and such and I am somewhat amazed at the tolerance of some of these wives. They are angry at their husband for playing or fooling around yet can at the same time forgive him completely if he just would stop it. Some just resort to rant or tell their sob story at the radio and pray that someday their husband would come back to the right path.

Even amongst friends I notice that these young men are somewhat got married before their mentality is ready for marriage. Many want to continue their single lifestyle and seem marriage as an insurance or a place when one can fall back to when things don't seem to go to their way. Which is a very sad thing. Let's not talk about cases where long term marriage get's screwed because after the husband succeeds and becomes wealthy after all the years of hardships decided to have a fling with a young actress of some sort. Ditching your wife after she has been through thick and thin after all these years and when the hard work has come to fruition you decide to share it with some young leggy broad is not something to be proud of. Then there is also the lazy men who are more interested in chasing that dubious dreams like getting that big contract by client entertaining and business networking. Always too shoddy to do the grunt work and leave the wife as the provider for the family. Whatever happened to good old hardworking Malay Family Man who had always been the rock. The strict diciplined father...

But hold on,
it get's even better. As my logic thoughts goes on and on I find it even more amazing that....

There are always, in any cases there would always be the willing female.

There would always be some young girl who would fall or these married men, who would date and believe in their dubious dreams. Girls or young ladies with career that can cleanse all of their scepticism and suspicion by a simple sweet talking. Seriously these girls can be very cheap and by that I mean very low cost to maintain, just words, forget the sexy gold digger seductress all it takes are just a few minutes in the phone or some heart melting SMS. They actually fall in love with these men.

Is there really a shortage of men in Malaysia?

Or is it a general principle that married men are much more attractive.

I mean take a look at that successful female singer who decided to marry a married men who is older than she is. He ditch his wife to marry this young lovely lady, the wife who was with him before he becomes rich and sucesfful after all those years. Didn't she thought about that, and when they were courting he obviously is a married men.

this is just a narrow selective observation and not all Malay men are like this.
It's just that I was wondering you know, and please feel free to prove me wrong.

You know what, it may be easy for me to write this now but who knows, maybe someday I might turn into someone like that. You never know, seriously. I may be all gung ho right now but I guess temptation is always there.

I hope I wont...........


"... take a look at that successful female singer who decided to marry a married men who is older than she is. He ditch his wife to marry this young lovely lady, the wife who was with him before he becomes rich and sucesfful after all those years. Didn't she thought about that, and when they were courting he obviously is a married men."

datuk and datuk love I presume?

nice writing. it is somehow irritating that my 'player' friends are getting all the hot chicks. some of them are engaged even. jeez.


a very good writing...the thing you talk about when women would stay loyal and committed to a relationship is very true, at least to me. Sakit hati macam mana pun, geram macam mana pun. Breaking up or finding another guy never an option. After all, I'm a malay girl. I think it is in the genetic make up already.

Girls that having relationship with married man. So cheap. Marriage is so sacred to me. I can't understand why some women still flirting with married guys.

p/s: If you write something like, most probably you won't end up being a bastard like you write in this post.


i like this. you write good. so assholes like them are everywhere. i know a guy friend who's married with one kid and is seriously flirting with me. his wife, was my skool-mate. so one day i told him i've had enough of his nonsense and im not interested in another woman's leftover, he stopped. i guess that hurt him a lot, the word leftover. we were distant since then. but i dont care. as long as i dont hurt another woman and get myself hurt in the future. sheesh. his wife and me, we're still good friends. =)

btw, i hate kimi ga nozomu eien. lame.


I have this problem though,
Rather lazy to do spell check and grammatical error check.

Just realised a few of them... Damn


im a freaky grammar-checker. some people hate me for that. haha.


For the past two weeks I have been listening to four wives who told me about their roving-eyes-and- roving-hands hubbies. Except for one who had double marched to the Mahkamah Syariah and has gotten her divorce - thanks to evidences like risque emails, raunchy pictures and explicit smses that she had brought along and produced during the court hearing - the other three just prefer to talk and sob their hearts out to me. And they are highly-paid professionals too. Sigh...I have been quite patient & understanding so far, but sometimes after they have gone home or put down the phone, I pitam la when I think of their extremely high-tolerance level.

I just wish once in a while these wives really mengaruk and gorge the eyes out of their husbands' eye sockets instead of going to the body-slimming and beauty salon. For once, scare the hell out of their husbands by having a mother of a fight! Surely it's allowed under the circumstances.

Tell me, Sinatra_Z, are these betrayed married women so desperate to be seen as married even though the whole neighbourhood and office know that their hubbies are serial womanizers?



that question can only be answered by those women.


My friend said her mother said, 'If we want to prevent Abah from flirting and getting another wife, we should spend all his money on clothes and stuff.'

I like her mum's idea.


If anything, being a player is nothing but a compliment, especially at this day and age. So you see, it is counter-productive; you have to elaborate more on your approach.

My suggestion would be introducing shariah law (...much like the recent flogging in Swat Valley, Pakistan) followed by censorship of negative/illicit content on the media and internet, following the fine examples of North Korea and China.

But on the opposite contrast, Civil Rights. We would not like to be stripped of that freedom which allows us to practice one our darkest desire; including co-involving in adultery through non-physical interactions, in other words 'beating off/playing the hairy banjo' to pornography.

Joke aside, I agree with what you have written. Especially on the part that more people rush into marriage even when they are mentally unprepared.

My question is... how does one determine when the 'right time' to get married is, if it is the case? or isn't through perseverance, loyalty and commitment a successful marriage is bounded together?

PS: Sorry for the longggg comment, it is a boring night here.


I will be honest Mr Fauzi

I Don't know.

I am most unqualified for one to seek relationship answers.



You've gotten some points right there! To me, when speaking about human behavior, its really hard to tell! The are some pros and cons on both sides of the feminine. Your were talking about modern Malay men and I supposed they are all muslim! Real muslim people don't flirt around. Its the faith and moral that is declining as the time goes by which many people seem to ignore, or just put it aside in our every days of living. Just look at the 'nombor ekor's' premises during the draw days. What kind of people can be found and seen over there?? Shameful doesn't it?? In another occasion, how many female pros are exposed out there compared to the male gigolos?? So,....which gender is better than the other??? In most cases, it's easy to point out our fingers to somebody else rather than taking a deep breath and use the brain in a right way....that is the way it suppose to be. So,...Help us God in dealing with this 'going down the drain' society.