I was sitting in the toilet reading confucious when a series of insignificant events flashed through my head followed by a string of logic. Apparently, I am somewhat racist. You know those folks who can themselves "Saya Anak Bangsa Malaysia" to signify the concept of a colour blind definition of the Malaysia Citizens, you will never hear me say that. I prefer that my fellow countrymen has different colors, it's kinda nice, reminds me of ABC.
So no if someone ask's me Adakah anda Anak Bangsa Malaysia?
My reply is.. Bukan saya bukan anak bangsa malaysia! Saya adalah anak Encik Baharuddin. Anda salah orang.
Now come on, we all like to think ourselves as those liberal yuppie I love everyone love peace Obama god loves us all equally sort of thing but truth be told we are all (Malaysians) and yes I mean YOU are somewhat racist. It's not to say that we all have a Nazi ideologist in deep in our heart but we as human beings are so used to profiling and categorizing that we tend to do racial profiling subconciously.
Zaidel's Standard Racial Profiling Malays - Lazy, Idiots, Rempits, believe in bomoh than in doctor, are more concerned in buying new gold bracelets than paying the electric bills, gossipers, easy to bribe with money or women, tendency for divorce/afffairs/messy love situations and slow government servant.
Chinese - Ah Long, complain about the police being corrupted but when they get caught doing something wrong in traffic without any remorse offer bribe to officer, Lala, blond hair Fengtau, gamblers and ultimate dream in life is to migrate to Australia or New Zealand..
Indians - Gangsters, Illegal parking attendants, drama queen, drunkard, curry, overreacting in stories good dancers and excessive usage of the word "Macha" and "Bro". Yes indeed I am somewhat racist.
For instance the other day I noted that my friend Joe Lee was smoking dunhill to which I replied "Apahal ko Isap Dunhill nih? Ko ni Melayu ke? Ko sepatutnya isap Malboro Light!"
Again another general racial profiling Malay smoke Dunhill, Chinese Smoke Malboro Light and Indian Drink Beer.
In fact thanks to years of propaganda I now automatically adress Malay first, then Chinese and lastly Indians. Even though there are also other ethnicity in Malaysia, I am not bothered to type them here, too much just pick one of the main three. Senang! Tak payah nak Sikh ke Iban ke Murut Ke, Baba Nyonya ke Eurasian ke apa ke. Kalau ko tak nak jadi melayu, cina atau india maka secara automatik engko Indon.
And then of course I am close to my OCBC friends. OCBC = Orang Cina Bukan Cina. No these are not the Bananas white fella wannabees who talk to you with an american slang but these are fellas who can speak cantonese fluently but know jack shit about Mandarin. They can't even read characters. I suspect the only reason they learn cantonese is so that they can order Pork from the Chinese Restaurant. Kalau dia tak tau cakap cantonese nanti dia seganlah nak makan kat kedai Cina tu jadi dia kena pergi kedai Melayu. Kedai Melayu takde Babi jadi tak best!
Oh come on man, ADMIT IT,
even you are somewhat racist aren't you?
If a Malay student get's a scholarship it's because of NEP, if prices go up it's the Chinese fellas fault and a drunkard fell into the river? Must be an Indian fella. Again note that only the 3 main components are used, sorry Iban fellas, you either have to be a Malay, Chinese or Indon. Indian quite hard lah.
But fear not,
I have come to the conclusion that all Malaysians, regardless of what race they are, generally are lousy idiotic suicide drivers who will speed up when the traffic light goes yellow, tailgate because they believe every inches count and seem not to realise this thing call signal lights. Kudos to my fellow Malaysians who become retards whenever they are on the road with the exceptional few who are much more civilised (like me).
Yes I admit it, I am somewhat racially perturbed sometimes, not often but yeah it does happen. And I am sure most of you out there share this problem. But look, stereotyping is bad but as long as we keep it harmless I think we are okay. If we can joke about it then I think were quite fine. Yes we can't help to have these little thoughts but don't translate these thoughts to hatred. Because once it transcends into hatred then we would have a really big problem. It's good to be honest, and honestly I am sorry that sometimes I can't help but do these things. But I promise you that in the end it doesn't really matter, Look I don't hate you because of the colour of your skin, I hate you because I think you are an Idiot whose brains are so retarded that you spew out dumb illogical opinions that is best to be shared with Bill O Reilly.
But..... If there is one thing that I have totally erased any form of Racial Profiling it would be.......Ladies. I am totally Liberal in that way. You know how some prefer a nice Malay girl or a polite indian girl that is good with the family, me I am open to any... Let there be Iban, Caucasian, Indian, Malay, Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Mongolian, Jewish, Arab, Presian, Martian, Anime Japanese character with blue hair and ridiculous body proportions... I promise you that I will always keep an open mind.
Technically, When it comes to women I am totally non racial.
I am only racist to Men.
So that means that I am either a Feminist or a Lesbian.
Which is fine both ways for me..........
My New Pick up line. "Hai nama saya Zaidel, Saya bukan anak Bangsa Malaysia, Saya anak Bangsa Bangsa Bersatu..."